Immortal
by MindBolt
Summary: Being a vampire isn't easy. John Mitchell is facing his friends, terrified of what he might do, of what he has already done. His thoughts and feelings about life in general. Set at the very start of season 1. Enjoy :


Disclaimer: Not mine... Annie, George and Mitchell.. all not mine... Elizabeth is :)

From Mitchell's POV - I gave him a bit of back story, just because I always imagined that this kind of thing was the reason his conscience was snapped back into action.

Enjoy

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><p>The hunger. The hunger consumes every particle of my body, every corner of my mind. I can't fight it. I can't even run from it. It's part of me. I can pretend all I want. But I can't escape.<p>

When I was given this choice. I hardly stopped to think. It was obvious. Clear. I never thought, never imagined that forever would be so... long. How could I have expected it to be so painful? To watch everyone around me grow old and die, whilst I stayed unfaltering in my youth, was unbearable. My persistent beauty that refused to ebb as the natural course of a human life dictates became a curse to me.

But my life, my existence is not governed by the human laws anymore. I am never plagued by an approaching death. Even children know that death will greet them eventually, even if they don't understand it. That threat makes them pull away from loud noises and sharp objects. Fear. Fear is ever present in the human mind. In me? Fear of what? I'm already dead, pain is brief and holds no significance and emotions... well, emotions sway me little at all these days. So I live without fear. Yet another human trait lost to this affliction.

After a few centuries life can become very tedious. Humans, for all their technology and gadgets, have evolved very little in thousands of years. They have the same basic needs, and, if anything, are less adapted to fulfilling them as their senses have dulled. Their hearing hampered by the continuous flow of traffic. Their sight restricted by their artificial light, that shines so bright it has left them helpless. Even their taste and touch has been reduced to shadows of what it once was. Still, their flaws remain unchanged by the passage of time. Evil haunts their minds, jealousy hounds after them and love... love weakens the most hardened soldier, rendering them vulnerable and insecure. At very least evil and jealousy they seek to evade. Love, they still flock to, they seek it out from a crowd, they plea for it, wish for it, despite knowing the searing pain it brands into their soul.

I would say I was above love, unaffected by it. But that would be a lie. Even monsters can fall. Even creatures of the dark can long for companionship. Despite losing what once made me so human, traces still remain, unbidden in the dark recesses of my mind and soul. Even as I sought to push everyone and everything away from me, knowing my weakness, knowing what it could reduce me to, I fell, and the scars it left changed me, left me as what I am today. I was left without love or hope of any kind. Without belief. Only regret and loss.

I could have kept her, turned her. Made her a part of me for eternity. But she rejected me, made me weak, and I couldn't do it. I couldn't reduce her to my level against her will. Instead I watched her marry and have children. Always... always growing older without me. Then. In a heartbeat I tore it away from her, in some senseless desire to make her feel as alone as I was. That is what love does. That is all I know. I have merely a faint desire to live from day to day. And what of fear? I admit to having a fear of once again falling and once again, being left behind.

But then I met them. First George. Then Annie. My first real friends in a while. But even they... even they don't know what I endure on a daily basis. They don't understand the corner of me that wants them dead. The corner that sees George's heart beat as a personal mockery of me. Or Annie's endless love and optimism as a constant reminder of what I've done. What is there to be optimistic about?

No, I don't deserve them. I know eventually, I will lead to their destruction. Just as I was responsible for hers. They will both suffer at my hands. Even if not to die. They will still be left with the dark stain of me on their lives.

I won't leave them though. I'm not that strong. I won't tell them either. About her. About Elizabeth. My Elizabeth. About how I fell so far I couldn't get up again. No. I'll play nice. They'll trust me as she trusted me. I can only hope their fate doesn't run the same path.

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><p>So what did you think? Please review... I'm all up for helpful comments to help me improve my writing :)<p> 


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